remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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