Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
