If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
