He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
