in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
