When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
