I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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