Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
