I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
