Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
