Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
