Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I licked your asshole in confidence.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
