so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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