He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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