Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
