Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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