im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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