If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
