I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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