Screwed.edu
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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