Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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