Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
