The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
