I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
