i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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