I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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