Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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