whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
