bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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