Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
