Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
