I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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