You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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