Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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