im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
