2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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