What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
