I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
