Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
