I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
