I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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