He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
