wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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