I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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