I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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