Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
