terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
