there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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