So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
