hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
well you can't waste a boner
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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