I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
