She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
